With Obama in my Car, I feel safest of all

I can be sure the warranty is good
It's the only way to live....

My Mentor

The man, the myth, the legend. I owe it all to this guy.

I'm guessing these guys probably didn't vote for Obama

Stay in School, kids.



"So, tell me why they all call you catfish?"

"Well, I catch catfish, so..."

This is how I got my nickname.....Gonorrhea.

Chuck Grassley pulls the old "That's what she said" bit

I met Chuck Grassley at an Iowa football game many years ago and I shit you not, you could smell the Aqua Velva on this guy form 50 feet. It was uncanny. I guess the babes like it though because he has sex with your wife.


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Opening act for Toby Keith.

Obama, Please - watch more funny videos

Michelle Bachmann wants to ban Scrutebucks

Reacting to the latest right wing Drudge report fueled paranoia, crazy nutbag Michelle Bachman proposed a congressional measure that would prevent Barack Obama from abandoning the US dollar in favor of an International Currency. Forget the fact that he has no plans to do so, let's just call it a proactive measure. I am begininning to think that this lady is just doing a bit. She craves the media attention and can't upstage the right far right wing ideologs unless she goes full batshit insane.

Bravo Michelle you have earned one Shrutebuck.

My creative juices are not flowing today so here is a funny pic.

Will Obama call on Top Shelf Dogfood reporter tonight?

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Top Shelf Dogfood is sending it's best reporter, or at least the one with the biggest boobs, to the White House Press Conference tonight. We hope to be acknowledged for our hard work and perseverance in getting the adults in charge of Washington. Your humble editor has personally written the question that will be asked if we are called upon. It is a three part question that involves AIG, credit swaps, the special Olympics and puppies.

We will not stop until we are recognized.

it can't happen here...or can it

you just blew my mind....

AIG changes name to Herpes Bin Laden in an attempt to sound less offensive

Insurance conglomerate AIG has changed it's name to Herpes Bin Laden in a PR move that insiders say will help everyone forget how they fucked us all royal.
An AIG PR spokesperson, speaking under the condition of anonimity said they wrestled with many names before settling on HBL.
"We thought about Razorcock Rapefest, Squirty Shit Nixon, and Mussolini Cumguzzler before finally being blown away by the name we chose." the spokesperson added.
"The name AIG has got to go, we even thought Pol Pot drinkmysnot, Vagina scab polesmoker, or Scatmuncher Donkeypuncher were viable options. Enevitably Herpes Bin Laden was chosen and we are all looking forward to the day AIG is long forgotten"

AIG stock was up 2% at the end of trading today.

Will Bill O'Reilley ambush me if I say he is an old closet queen?

I am beginning to feel left out. It seems Bill O. is now targeting lowly bloggers with his ambush style reporters. This would be great pub for my far-left lunatic blog, that seeks to destory America and start a culture war against creepy old goats who like to do weird things with loofahs.

C'mon, I'll be nice, I'll even treat the entire crew to a falafel.

Now I'm not saying Bill O. is gay but he has a rainbow bumper sticker on his car that says “I like it when balls are in my face.”

Now I'm not saying Bill O. is gay but he has two different versions of Dance Dance Revolution.

Now I'm not saying Bill O. is gay but In the Court case where the HOT Blonde, big boobed Teacher is on trial for having sex with her 14 year old male student.... he wished he was the teacher.

Now I'm not saying Bill O. is gay but he went to an erotic bakery and ordered a cream filled chocolate penis cake.

And of course he has Karl Rove on his show all the time.....

It could have been worse......

Here's some jokes Barack Obama could have said:


Well, I am a better skiier than Natasha Richardson.

I got a better smile than Terry Schiavo.

I'm a better fisherman than those NFL Players.

The Madness continues

3-2 so far...


Okla St. +2 Win

Dayton +9 WIn

Boston college +2.5

Marquette -4.5 LOSS

Temple +5.5 LOSS

And he doesn't like the panties hanging on the rail.

Richard Dreyfuss thinks Dick Cheney ignored the economy untill it swam up and Bit him ON THE ASS!
Also when referring to the former Vice President he said:
"You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone!"

But will Obama need a bigger boat?

Screwey Rabbits

You'll never go to the bunny ranch again after seeing this......


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Bush to pen 12 toughest decisions

here are the chapters..


1. Mission Accomplished or Don't mess with Texas?

2. Should I defer to Rove or to Cheney?

3. Clear Brush or Bass Fish?

4. Who to help, cronies or friends?

5. React to the greatest terrorist attack ever or see how "My Pet Goat" turns out?

6. War on Terror or War on Science?

7. Pretzel, chew or inhale?

8. Bill of Rights, annoying or stupid?

9. Over easy or over medium?

10. Katrina, wait or sit it out?

11. Catch the shoe or duck?

12. Beer bong or rails.

Early top shelf dogs

Texas A&M +2.5 over BYU WINNER

Northern Iowa +8.5 over Purdue WINNER

Maryland +1.5 over Califonia WINNER

Mississippi St. +6 over Washington LOSER

Minn + 4 over Texas LOSER

Good Luck


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Barack Obama picks North Carolina over Louisville!

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Wow! Now Obama is copying me too? Great minds think alike....



Who said it first?


He must think Dick Cheney sucks too.

No comment on Ruth Madoff...


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I want to F*** Ruth Madoff

AIG Bonus Footage

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Dear god someone end this insanity!!!!!!

Too busy for grabass

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North Carolina over Louisville in the Final


Dick Cheney Sucks


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I tried to warn you Jim.

Well here is what everybody has on their website today, so why not me too.
Jon Stewart disembowls Jim Cramer and Cramer just sits there and takes it. I enjoyed the show, but then again I enjoy jock itch.

I ate some stem cells and now I'm a NAZI!!

Glenn Beck is fitting in well with the loons over at Fox News. I Gotta admit, this guy knows how to kick the crazy up a notch.


BECK: So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research, and then some, fundamentally changing – remember, those great progressive doctors who are the ones who brought us Eugenics. It was the progressive movement and it science. Let’s put science truly in her place. If evolution is right, why don’t we just help out evolution? That was the idea. And sane people agreed with it! And it was from America. Progressive movement in America. Eugenics. In case you don’t know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person. …. The stuff that we are facing is absolutely frightening. So I guess I have to put my name on yes, I hope Barack Obama fails. But I just want his policies to fail; I want America to wake up.


In reality, of course, stem-cell research has nothing to do with the search for a “master race.” Rather, as Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) explained “Obama’s executive order is a huge win for the millions of people who suffer from spinal cord injuries, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Multiple Sclerosis and many other illnesses.”

To Beck and his following of course, those injuries and diseases are just god's will.

Victoria Jackson isn't successful because of Barack Obama

I can't think of a better poster child for the modern conservative than Victoria Jackson. Yeah you remember her, she was the SNL cast member back in the 90's who always played the dumb blond role. Well, she wasn't acting. She hasn't been seen too much lately (certainly not in a gym) except for a few batshit crazy appearances on fox news. We must now accept the fact that she won't be conquering stage screen and television because according to Ms. Jackson:

"My motivation is gone, because Obama will punish me if I'm successful. That's how you start communism, is just take -- Cuba. Obama wants to be Castro."

There you go, conservatives join her movement, no longer will you have to have any personal responsibility for your failed life or career, you have Obama to blame.

I'm still waiting for Obama to raise taxes on the rich, and if you are talking about letting the Bush tax cuts expire, please try again. The Bush tax cuts were written by the republican congress and signed by GWB with the provision to expire in 2010 if they failed to bring deficits under control. So putting two wars on a credit card and having the greatest economic and financial crisis in this generation would qualify for them to expire.

Bush is raising the taxes, not Obama. I'd be more than willing to wager Ms. Jackson will not be affected.

You can't win Jim

Here's the self important Jim Cramer crying like a girl over Jon Stewart's evisceration of him on The Daily Show. Wow what a crybaby. Does the name Tucker Carlson mean anything to you?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Netflix has rotted my brain

Seriously, never rent this movie, even though it is great. Do not watch this trailer! Even though it is awesome. You have been warned, this is disgusting, it will make you puke. But it is about the coolest movie ever. Don't watch it though because it is so bad and poorly acted that is just may be the greatest movie ever made. If you are a sick bastard like me, you will dig it, but you're probably not so you will probably be so appalled and sickened it will fuck you up for life.

Nailed it.

Rush Limbaugh addresses the nation... - watch more funny videos

High peanut butter factor.

When this song came out the last big recession ended

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Coincidence? I think not.

It works on sooo many levels.

Ow, my balls.


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Time's up?

Well, here we are in the second month of the Presidency of Barack Obama and conservatives are already saying time is up. The downward momentum of the economy is a bitch to turn around but those on the right are using the state of affairs to try to paint Barack Obama as a failure. After all the great conservative jack off wet dream , Ronald Reagan only took 18 months to turn the economy around. The stock market only dropped 20% in his first year of office, interest rates were in the high double digits and unemployment was at 9%. How did he solve it, with spending, spending, spending but he did cut taxes on the very rich, which seemed to make even those who didn't get anything happy. Reagan and Bush are on the hook for about 75% or our countries current national debt, but somehow it's the Democrats that are fiscally irresponsible.

Dammit, it was supposed to be Joe the Plumber first, puppet show second.

Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you.

Limbaugh was correct...Republicans have no guts.

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Now Michael Steele has tucked his tail in and apologized to Limbaugh. What a gutless coward. The Republican party is cowering to a Radio Host and his 20 Million idiot listeners. How in the hell would they stand up to Iran or the Taliban, if they can't stand up to a fat impotent pedophile drug addict?

Good luck right wing nut jobs, follow that disgusting pig right off the cliff.

Limbaugh doesn't like the way that black guy is running things.

oooh this is getting good. Michael Steele calls Rush Limbaugh exactly what he is....




The clown prince of hate radio fired back today:

"So I am an entertainer and I have 20 million listeners because of my great song and dance routine," Limbaugh said. "Michael Steele, you are head of the Republican National Committee. You are not head of the Republican party. Tens of millions of conservatives and Republicans have nothing to do with the Republican National Committee...and when you call them asking for money, they hang up on you."

"I hope that changes," Limbaugh continued. "It's time, Mr. Steele, for you to go behind the scenes and start doing the work that you were elected to do instead of being some talking-head media star."

The trainwreck continues.....


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I think I'm in love.

Dear Outraged Conservative American On The Verge Of Financial Ruin,

I am so pleased you have found a way to express your hatred for Obama in reclaiming the word Socialism. I congratulate you on your little knowledge of history, and admire your middling pluck in using the Internet to buy a "United Socialist States of America" T-shirt. Why, that is almost a pun! You might have even purchased your "Stalinists for Obama" logo on an organic cotton T-shirt. A T-shirt labeled "organic" in accordance with the USDA's National Organic Program, an act of top-down ecostalinism so dangerous to Democracy that it has made me literally shit the chair I am sitting in just thinking about it.

So you have purchased a shirt that says, "Four Leaders for Change" - and has pictures of Stalin, Mao, Hitler, and our current President. That is funny! Now, I'm going to gracefully leap over the wide chasm of ignorance that would cause someone to lump Communists and Fascists together - it's that sort of joyous, carefree mediocrity which inspired the idea that we should fight "the Arabs" in the Middle East, and not raise our heads above the warm waters of assholery for long enough to take a breath of brain-nourishing oxygen and realize that there are things called Suniis and Shiites, and those things do not, in fact, consider themselves one happy fucking family of Arabs. In fact, even entertaining that idea now has infected me with that slimy mucous of idiocy to the point where I may have already come down with a violent case of the dumb shits.

Oh, angry American Conservative, lend me your ear. I understand you probably won't even hear me, because I'm not on whatever television channel has the most news about which star has shown us her vagina this week. However, let me ask you for one moment to turn your attention from the daytime courtroom television show you are no doubt watching on a large, flat screen TV you are nowhere near owning, you overweight, undernourished, 300 pound sack of human detritus. If, for a moment, you might turn your head away from whatever it is on the picture box I will condescendingly call "populist," but which you watch with the same rapt attention as a coma patient watches the animal channel in the hospital, I might impart some wisdom.

And no, I will never say this to your face. Because unlike you and all your destitute friends, I am a human being with an evolved sense of empathy for my fellow man, and if I were ever to actually see you sitting there in your long-broken recliner chair which you may or may not have slept in last night, covered in a mix of processed snack food made by a company whose CEO is 200 pounds lighter than you, and wearing a shirt that says "God Don't Give No Handouts," I would shrink in sheer awe of the difference between our lots in life. There, but for the Grace of God, recline I. I would say to myself, "we must be judged as a nation by the least of us, and I will never truly be free unless this poor soul is given a chance at real happiness."

But it is you who has the "Comrade Obama for President of the USSA" T-shirt stretched taught over your midsection, as if that skin of cotton were the only thing holding together your firmament, unimaginably large and without form. It is you who calls Obama the worst thing for America since Gays on TV. It is you who loves the free market even more than you love that Concealed Carry law in whatever backward state you call home. It is you who hates a handout.

Hey, angry Conservative, do you want to know a secret? The handout is for you, you magnum opus of superfluousness. Do you seriously think that Obama's socialist agenda is going to result in Uncle Samsky taking away your hard-earned absence of anything of value and give it to someone else? Of course not. The handout that you so hate happens when Uncle Sam takes my plutocratic, affluent, barely-taxed money, and skims a little off so that you can have some. Of my money. The money of me, who voted for Obama so he would take some and give it to you, you lame foot dangling uselessly behind the body politic.

Want to know another secret? The "free market" in actuality is for people like me and that radio show host you love to listen to so much! It's great, if you're like us! It helps us keep all the money we make! But like an unrequited lover, even though you are cast down again and again, you somehow still maintain a boner for free market capitalism, you ignorant social tumor unfortunately existing just on this side of Homo sapiens.

Let me tell you about the Communist-Fascist-Stalinist-Hitlerist impenetrable melange of fear that you have so aptly named "socialism." It's not that you get a handout. It's that now you can go to the doctor! Remember doctors? Now, when your body finally gives up its fight against the chemicals you pour into it that you call food, and you have, at long last, to spend a day in the hospital, you will not go bankrupt.

It's not that you get a handout. It's that now your children can go to a school that has the funds to educate them, so that maybe one day they might grow up to be something other than a troglodytic, mandible-breather like you.

It's not that you get a handout. It's that one day, you will still have a job building something awesome like a wind power blade or a solar cell, and that job won't be at risk for being sent to Mexico so your Spanish-speaking doppelganger can do it just as well as you probably would. The free market says "Si" to cheap labor!

So before you go bandying around words like socialism and handout, take a good, long look at the real and metaphorical shitstorm you find yourself in. And then, take my godddamned money. Before I change my mind.

Sincerely,
Aemilia Scott

Sleep well, your with AIG

Oh those great Sunday morning commercials. For the last eight years it was all AIG is protecting your future, now it's all drill baby drill. Keep trusting the huge corporate brainwashers.